hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The uberlube is also flammable
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
