Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
