girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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