trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
