Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just pee around me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
