If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
