A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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