You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
