see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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