Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
