Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
