i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
