there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
