I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
