Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
These tits shall not be calmed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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