somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
