I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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