i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
