i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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