Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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