i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize