We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just forgot I was standing up.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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