yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
