I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
