They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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