Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
