i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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