FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
