Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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