i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
