The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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