I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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