Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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