Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
