We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
