Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
