So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
