You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
