Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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