My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
