My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
