I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
