so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
