I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
