Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
