I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
