i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
