the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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