Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i think i just lost a toe
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
