Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
