UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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