It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
