I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
