Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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