Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
