Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
