forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
