It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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