I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
