oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
