I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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